Families do not always share the same path. Sometimes a parent and child see faith differently, and the question becomes simple and hard at once: how do I treat my mother now?
A short narration in Sahih al-Bukhari records exactly that question, asked by Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allah be pleased with her). This post retells it in our own words, quotes only what is needed, and draws a few lessons on keeping family ties with kindness. It is a reflection, not a ruling.
Quick answer
Short answer: In Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, Asma’ said her mother came to visit while she was not Muslim, wishing to receive something from her daughter. Asma’ asked the Prophet ﷺ, “Shall I keep good relations with her?” He replied, “Yes, keep good relation with her” (Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, sunnah.com translation).
Who was Asma’?
Asma’ was the daughter of Abu Bakr al-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with them both). She is remembered among the women of the early Muslim community. In this post we look at one moment only: a visit from her mother.
The story in brief
As Asma’ narrates it, her mother came to see her during the lifetime of the Prophet ﷺ. Her mother was not a Muslim. Asma’ did not simply decide alone. She went and asked how she should treat her.
The answer was short and clear: “Yes, keep good relation with her.” The narration does not add conditions or a long explanation. The guidance is to keep the tie and to be good to her mother.
The narration at a glance
- Source: Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, narrated by Asma’ bint Abi Bakr.
- The situation: her mother visited while not Muslim, wishing to receive something from her.
- Her question: “Shall I keep good relations with her?”
- The answer: “Yes, keep good relation with her.”
- The theme: keeping family ties (silat al-rahim) with kindness.
What the Qur’an adds
Two verses are often read alongside this story. Qur’an 31:15 speaks of parents who urge a child away from faith in Allah. It says not to obey them in that, “but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness” (Saheeh International translation).
Qur’an 60:8 says Allah does not forbid being righteous and just toward those who have not fought Muslims because of religion or driven them from their homes. Together, these verses keep belief firm and kindness wide.
Four lessons for family life
1. Ask before you act
Asma’ was unsure, so she asked. When a family situation feels complicated, seeking sound guidance first is part of good adab. Our post on the adab of seeking knowledge explores this.
2. Difference does not cut the tie
Her mother’s faith was different, yet the guidance was to keep the relationship. Disagreement in belief and kindness in manners can sit together.
3. Kindness is practical
Good relations show in ordinary things: a warm welcome, a meal, a gift, a phone call, time given without hurry. The tie is kept by small, repeated acts.
4. Firm faith, gentle manners
Qur’an 31:15 draws a clear line about belief, and in the same verse asks for “appropriate kindness”. One does not cancel the other. Our post on good character looks at gentleness more widely.
| Cutting off | Keeping the tie |
|---|---|
| Avoiding visits and calls | Welcoming them warmly |
| Arguing at every meeting | Speaking with respect and calm |
| Withholding small kindnesses | Offering food, gifts and time |
| Deciding alone in anger | Seeking sound guidance first |
Putting it into practice
A gentle practice for family ties
1
Make one contact this week with a relative you have drifted from.
2
Keep the tone warm and avoid reopening old arguments.
3
Offer something small: a meal, a gift or an hour of your time.
4
Hold your own path calmly without pressure on theirs.
5
Ask a trusted scholar when a situation is genuinely difficult.
Tip
A short message that says “I was thinking of you” can reopen a door that has been closed for a long time.
What this post is not
This is a short reflection on one narration and two verses. It does not give rulings on complex family matters, inheritance or harm. If a relationship involves harm, your safety comes first; please speak with a qualified scholar and trusted people around you.
FAQ
Where is the story of Asma’ and her mother found?
In Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, which you can read online.
Does keeping ties mean following a parent in belief?
No. Qur’an 31:15 says not to obey them in that, while still accompanying them with appropriate kindness.
Why is this story placed under Women in Islam?
Because it is told by Asma’ herself, and it shows a daughter’s care and good judgement in a real family moment.
Last checked: 19 October 2026 (Asia/Riyadh) against Sahih al-Bukhari 2620 (English translation, quoted above) and Qur’an 31:15 and 60:8 (Saheeh International translation). Educational reflection only, not a religious ruling.
