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Tag: adab

  • Asma’ bint Abi Bakr and Her Mother’s Visit: A Story of Family Ties in Sahih al-Bukhari

    Asma’ bint Abi Bakr and Her Mother’s Visit: A Story of Family Ties in Sahih al-Bukhari

    Families do not always share the same path. Sometimes a parent and child see faith differently, and the question becomes simple and hard at once: how do I treat my mother now?

    A short narration in Sahih al-Bukhari records exactly that question, asked by Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allah be pleased with her). This post retells it in our own words, quotes only what is needed, and draws a few lessons on keeping family ties with kindness. It is a reflection, not a ruling.

    Quick answer

    Short answer: In Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, Asma’ said her mother came to visit while she was not Muslim, wishing to receive something from her daughter. Asma’ asked the Prophet ﷺ, “Shall I keep good relations with her?” He replied, “Yes, keep good relation with her” (Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, sunnah.com translation).

    Who was Asma’?

    Asma’ was the daughter of Abu Bakr al-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with them both). She is remembered among the women of the early Muslim community. In this post we look at one moment only: a visit from her mother.

    The story in brief

    As Asma’ narrates it, her mother came to see her during the lifetime of the Prophet ﷺ. Her mother was not a Muslim. Asma’ did not simply decide alone. She went and asked how she should treat her.

    The answer was short and clear: “Yes, keep good relation with her.” The narration does not add conditions or a long explanation. The guidance is to keep the tie and to be good to her mother.

    The narration at a glance

    • Source: Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, narrated by Asma’ bint Abi Bakr.
    • The situation: her mother visited while not Muslim, wishing to receive something from her.
    • Her question: “Shall I keep good relations with her?”
    • The answer: “Yes, keep good relation with her.”
    • The theme: keeping family ties (silat al-rahim) with kindness.

    What the Qur’an adds

    Two verses are often read alongside this story. Qur’an 31:15 speaks of parents who urge a child away from faith in Allah. It says not to obey them in that, “but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness” (Saheeh International translation).

    Qur’an 60:8 says Allah does not forbid being righteous and just toward those who have not fought Muslims because of religion or driven them from their homes. Together, these verses keep belief firm and kindness wide.

    Four lessons for family life

    1. Ask before you act

    Asma’ was unsure, so she asked. When a family situation feels complicated, seeking sound guidance first is part of good adab. Our post on the adab of seeking knowledge explores this.

    2. Difference does not cut the tie

    Her mother’s faith was different, yet the guidance was to keep the relationship. Disagreement in belief and kindness in manners can sit together.

    3. Kindness is practical

    Good relations show in ordinary things: a warm welcome, a meal, a gift, a phone call, time given without hurry. The tie is kept by small, repeated acts.

    4. Firm faith, gentle manners

    Qur’an 31:15 draws a clear line about belief, and in the same verse asks for “appropriate kindness”. One does not cancel the other. Our post on good character looks at gentleness more widely.

    Cutting offKeeping the tie
    Avoiding visits and callsWelcoming them warmly
    Arguing at every meetingSpeaking with respect and calm
    Withholding small kindnessesOffering food, gifts and time
    Deciding alone in angerSeeking sound guidance first
    Two ways to meet a family difference

    Putting it into practice

    A gentle practice for family ties

    1

    Make one contact this week with a relative you have drifted from.

    2

    Keep the tone warm and avoid reopening old arguments.

    3

    Offer something small: a meal, a gift or an hour of your time.

    4

    Hold your own path calmly without pressure on theirs.

    5

    Ask a trusted scholar when a situation is genuinely difficult.

    Tip

    A short message that says “I was thinking of you” can reopen a door that has been closed for a long time.

    What this post is not

    This is a short reflection on one narration and two verses. It does not give rulings on complex family matters, inheritance or harm. If a relationship involves harm, your safety comes first; please speak with a qualified scholar and trusted people around you.

    FAQ

    Where is the story of Asma’ and her mother found?

    In Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, which you can read online.

    Does keeping ties mean following a parent in belief?

    No. Qur’an 31:15 says not to obey them in that, while still accompanying them with appropriate kindness.

    Why is this story placed under Women in Islam?

    Because it is told by Asma’ herself, and it shows a daughter’s care and good judgement in a real family moment.

    Last checked: 19 October 2026 (Asia/Riyadh) against Sahih al-Bukhari 2620 (English translation, quoted above) and Qur’an 31:15 and 60:8 (Saheeh International translation). Educational reflection only, not a religious ruling.

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  • Kindness to Parents in the Qur’an: Lessons from Surah al-Isra 17:23-24

    Kindness to Parents in the Qur’an: Lessons from Surah al-Isra 17:23-24

    Some of the clearest teaching in the Qur’an is about ordinary life at home. Two short verses in Surah al-Isra speak about how we treat our parents, especially as they grow older. They are gentle, specific and very practical.

    This post reads those verses alongside one verse from Surah Luqman and one hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari, and draws a few lessons for everyday family life. It is a reflection, not a ruling.

    Quick answer

    Short answer: Qur’an 17:23 joins the command to worship Allah alone with “to parents, good treatment”. It asks us not to say even “uff” to them, not to repel them, and to “speak to them a noble word”. Verse 17:24 adds humility, mercy and a dua: “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small” (Saheeh International translation).

    What the verses say

    Verse 17:23 begins: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship not except Him, and to parents, good treatment.” It then turns to old age: “Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.”

    Verse 17:24 continues: “And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’”

    The verses at a glance

    • Where: Surah al-Isra, 17:23-24.
    • The pairing: good treatment of parents follows directly after the command to worship Allah alone.
    • The setting: old age, when parents may live with or depend on their children.
    • Words to avoid: even “uff”, a small sound of irritation.
    • Words to choose: “a noble word”, spoken with humility and mercy.
    • A dua to keep: “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”

    Why the detail matters

    The verses do not stop at a general instruction to be good. They name a tiny sound of impatience. Most of us would never shout at a parent, yet a sigh or a rolled eye can slip out on a tired day. The Qur’an treats even that as worth guarding against.

    The phrase “lower to them the wing of humility” is a picture of gentleness. It describes a posture of the heart: patient, unhurried and soft in tone. The dua that follows reminds us why. They cared for us when we were small and could do nothing for ourselves.

    A mother’s place

    Surah Luqman adds a second verse on parents. Qur’an 31:14 says: “And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness… Be grateful to Me and to your parents.” Gratitude to parents is placed beside gratitude to Allah.

    A well-known hadith gives the same emphasis. In Sahih al-Bukhari 5971, a man asked who most deserved his best companionship. The Prophet ﷺ answered “Your mother” three times, and then “Your father” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5971). We share it here as context for the verses, not as a promise of reward. For more of Luqman’s counsel, see our post on Luqman’s advice to his son.

    Four lessons for home

    1. Guard the small sounds

    The verse names “uff” for a reason. Small signs of irritation are often the first thing a parent notices. Catching them is a daily, quiet practice.

    2. Choose a noble word

    The alternative to impatience is not silence. It is “a noble word”: respectful, kind and clear. Even when we disagree, the tone can stay gentle.

    3. Patience grows with age

    The verse speaks of old age directly. Parents may become slower, repeat questions or need more help. The Qur’an prepares us for that season rather than leaving it unspoken. Our post on good character explores this wider theme of patience with people.

    4. Keep them in your dua

    The verse gives us words to say. Making that dua part of the day keeps gratitude alive, whether parents live with us, far away, or have passed on.

    Hurried toneGentle tone
    A sigh or “uff” when asked againA calm answer, as if for the first time
    Correcting them in front of othersA quiet word in private
    Rushing them out of the doorWaiting a little and offering an arm
    Forgetting them in our prayersSaying the dua from 17:24 each day
    Two tones at home

    Putting it into practice

    A simple daily practice

    1

    Start the day with greeting: salam and a few warm words before your phone.

    2

    Listen fully once a day: give one conversation your whole attention.

    3

    Notice your tone: if “uff” rises, pause and choose a gentler word.

    4

    Do one small service: tea, a call, an errand, without being asked.

    5

    Close with the dua: “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”

    Tip

    If your parents live far away, a short daily call or voice note can carry the same gentle tone.

    What this post is not

    This is a short reflection on two verses and one hadith. It is not a ruling on family obligations or on difficult family situations. For personal questions, please speak with a qualified scholar you trust.

    FAQ

    Where is kindness to parents mentioned in the Qur’an?

    Among other places, in Surah al-Isra 17:23-24 and Surah Luqman 31:14.

    What does “uff” mean in 17:23?

    It is a small expression of annoyance. The verse asks us not to say even that to parents in their old age.

    Is there a dua for parents in the Qur’an?

    Yes. Verse 17:24 includes: “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”

    Last checked: 19 October 2026 (Asia/Riyadh) against Qur’an 17:23-24 and 31:14 (Saheeh International translation) and Sahih al-Bukhari 5971. Educational reflection only, not a religious ruling.

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  • Khadijah’s Steady Words: A Story of Support in Sahih al-Bukhari

    Khadijah’s Steady Words: A Story of Support in Sahih al-Bukhari

    Support is rarely dramatic. Often it is one steady sentence from someone who knows you well. That is the heart of a short moment in the narration that opens Sahih al-Bukhari, where Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (may Allah be pleased with her) answers her husband’s fear with calm and with a clear picture of his character.

    This post retells that moment in our own words, with only the quotations needed from the English translation, and draws five lessons about listening, honesty and care at home. It does not discuss rulings.

    Quick answer

    Short answer: In Sahih al-Bukhari 3, the Prophet ﷺ returned home after the first revelation with his heart beating hard and asked to be covered. He told Khadijah, “I fear that something may happen to me.” She replied, “Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you,” and then named qualities she had seen in him (Sahih al-Bukhari 3, sunnah.com translation).

    Where the story comes from

    The narration is reported by ‘Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) and begins the collection of Sahih al-Bukhari, which Muslims regard as one of the most reliable hadith collections. It describes how the revelation began. This post looks only at what happened when he came home. The first words of the revelation are recorded in the Qur’an at 96:1-3.

    The moment at home

    According to the narration, he returned with his heart beating severely and went to Khadijah. He said, “Cover me! Cover me!” and they covered him until his fear had passed. Then he told her everything that had happened and said, “I fear that something may happen to me.”

    Her reply, as the translation has it, is: “Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 3, sunnah.com translation).

    The account at a glance

    • Source: Sahih al-Bukhari 3, narrated by ‘Aisha.
    • His request: to be covered, and then to be heard.
    • Her response: calm reassurance based on his known character.
    • What she named: family ties, help for the needy, hospitality and care for those in hardship.
    • Not a promise to others: her words describe him; we draw no general promise from them.

    Five lessons from the story

    1. Meet fear with presence first

    Before any explanation, he asked to be covered, and they covered him until the fear passed. The narration puts comfort before conversation. At home, a person who is shaken often needs calm company before advice.

    2. Listen to the whole account

    He told her everything that had happened. The narration does not describe interruptions or quick answers. Good support begins with hearing the full story.

    3. Reassure with specifics, not just words

    She did not say “it will be fine” in general terms. She named things she had seen him do: keeping family ties, helping the poor, honouring guests and standing by people in trouble. Specific, truthful encouragement is easier to believe than a vague one. Honesty is also the theme of our post on sidq, or truthfulness.

    4. Character is what a household sees

    Those who live with us see our habits in ordinary life. Her words show that the people closest to him knew his character well. It is a reminder that good character at home matters as much as good character in public. See our guide to husn al-khuluq, or good character.

    5. Support can be practical

    The narration says she then took him to meet her cousin. Her help moved from words to action. Often the most useful support is a next step taken together.

    Hurried responseSteady response
    Offer advice before listeningListen to the whole account first
    Say “don’t worry”Name real, truthful strengths
    Leave them to sort it outOffer a practical next step
    Argue with the fearStay calm and present
    Two ways to respond to a worried loved one

    Putting it into practice

    A short practice for supporting someone at home

    1

    Be present and keep your voice calm.

    2

    Let them tell it all without interrupting.

    3

    Say one true, specific thing you have seen in them.

    4

    Offer one small next step you can take together.

    5

    Check in later and ask how they are.

    Tip

    Tonight, tell someone in your household one specific good thing you have noticed in them, and mean it.

    What this post is not

    This is a short reflection on one moment in one narration. It is not a ruling, and it draws no legal or theological conclusions. The full narration includes other parts that we have deliberately left out. For deeper study, learn with a qualified teacher. You may also like our post on muhasaba, or self-accounting.

    FAQ

    Who was Khadijah?

    She was the first wife of the Prophet ﷺ and is known as a Mother of the Believers. In this post we look only at her words in one narration.

    Where is the story found?

    In Sahih al-Bukhari 3, which you can read online.

    Does her statement promise what will happen to other people?

    No. It is her description of him and of what she had seen. We do not draw a general promise from it.

    Why are parts of the narration left out?

    The narration is long. We kept to the one moment at home that carries these lessons.

    Last checked: 17 October 2026 against Sahih al-Bukhari 3 (English translation, quoted above) and Qur’an 96:1-3. Educational reflection only, not a religious ruling.

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  • The People of the Cave: A Qur’an Story of Steadfast Faith

    The People of the Cave: A Qur’an Story of Steadfast Faith

    Some Qur’an stories are about kings and nations. This one is about a small group of young people who found themselves out of step with everyone around them. The Qur’an calls them “the companions of the cave,” and their account is in Surah al-Kahf.

    This post retells the story from the verses themselves, with a few short direct quotations from the Sahih International translation, and draws five gentle lessons. It adds no details beyond what the verses say, and it does not discuss rulings.

    Quick answer

    Short answer: The Qur’an describes youths who believed in their Lord, retreated to a cave, and prayed for mercy and right guidance. Allah says He cast sleep over them for years, then woke them. When they woke, they spoke among themselves, sent one of them to the city with a coin, and told him to be cautious (Qur’an 18:10, 18:19). The Qur’an leaves their exact number and the length of their stay to Allah’s knowledge (Qur’an 18:26).

    The story in the Qur’an

    The surah introduces them with a question about whether the companions of the cave and the inscription were an unusual wonder among Allah’s signs (Qur’an 18:9). Then it turns to the youths themselves.

    The first thing they do is pray. In the translation, they retreat to the cave and say: “Our Lord, grant us from Yourself mercy and prepare for us from our affair right guidance.” (Qur’an 18:10, Sahih International). Before any plan, there is a dua.

    The Qur’an describes them as “youths who believed in their Lord, and We increased them in guidance” (Qur’an 18:13). It says their hearts were made firm when they stood up and declared: “Our Lord is the Lord of the heavens and the earth.” (Qur’an 18:14).

    After they withdrew, the Qur’an says that Allah cast a cover of sleep over their ears in the cave for a number of years, and then woke them (Qur’an 18:11-12). On waking, they asked each other how long they had stayed. One answered, “We have remained a day or part of a day.” Another replied, “Your Lord is most knowing of how long you remained.” (Qur’an 18:19).

    They then sent one of their group to the city with a silver coin to buy the best food. The verse adds that he should “be cautious” and that no one should become aware of them (Qur’an 18:19).

    The account at a glance

    • Source: Surah al-Kahf, mainly Qur’an 18:9-26.
    • Who: youths who believed in their Lord.
    • First act: a dua for mercy and right guidance (18:10).
    • Practical step: one of them goes to buy food, with care (18:19).
    • What the Qur’an does not give: their exact number or a human account of the time; it points to Allah’s knowledge (18:22, 18:26).

    Five lessons from the story

    1. Begin with a dua

    Their words in 18:10 are short and complete: mercy, and right guidance in their affair. When a situation is unclear, a simple request to Allah is a good first step. Our guide to Imam Ghazali’s etiquettes of dua can help you build that habit.

    2. Steadiness comes from Allah

    The verses say that Allah made their hearts firm. In our own lives, steadiness is also something to ask for, not only something to produce through willpower.

    3. Faith and sensible action go together

    They prayed, and they also thought about food, money and caution. The Qur’an records both. This is close to the teaching we explore in Tawakkul: Trust in Allah, where trust and effort sit side by side.

    4. Speak with humility about what you do not know

    When they woke, they did not insist on an answer. They said that their Lord knew best how long they had stayed. Later, the Qur’an tells its readers that Allah is most knowing of their number and of how long they remained (Qur’an 18:22, 18:26). Details that are not given are not needed for the lesson.

    5. Do not argue over what is not given

    The surah tells the Prophet to avoid argument over their number except with clear evidence. A story’s meaning is often more useful than a count.

    Reading for detailsReading for the lesson
    Ask how many, how long, whereAsk what they asked of Allah
    Argue over what is not statedNotice what the verses emphasise
    Collect curiositiesChoose one habit to practise
    Two ways to read the story

    A short reflection practice

    Taking the story into the week

    1

    Read Qur’an 18:9-26 slowly in a translation you trust.

    2

    Pick one verse that stays with you, such as 18:10.

    3

    Turn it into a dua in your own words, for one real situation.

    4

    Take one careful, practical step on that situation.

    5

    Leave the unknowns with Allah, and stop arguing over them.

    Tip

    If you want to reflect with others, read the verses together first and talk about the lessons, not the numbers.

    What this post is not

    This is a short reflection on verses from the Qur’an. It is not a commentary, a ruling or a discussion of any practice connected to the surah. For deeper study, learn tafsir with a qualified teacher. You may also enjoy our post on sabr in the Sufi tradition.

    FAQ

    Where is the story of the People of the Cave?

    In Surah al-Kahf, mainly Qur’an 18:9-26. You can read it online in several translations.

    Does the Qur’an say how many there were?

    It mentions that people give different numbers and says that Allah is most knowing of their number (Qur’an 18:22).

    Does this post give rulings?

    No. It retells the verses and offers personal lessons only.

    Why does the post leave some verses out?

    We kept to the verses that carry the lessons above and avoided detailed claims that the Qur’an does not make.

    Last checked: 17 October 2026 against Qur’an 18:9-26, Sahih International translation. Educational reflection only, not a religious ruling.

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  • Luqman’s Advice to His Son: Seven Lessons From the Qur’an

    Luqman’s Advice to His Son: Seven Lessons From the Qur’an

    Many families have a favourite piece of advice passed from parent to child. In the Qur’an there is a whole passage of it. Luqman’s advice to his son fills a handful of verses in Surat Luqman, and it covers gratitude, humility, patience and even how to walk and speak.

    We know very little about Luqman himself, and this post makes no claims beyond the Qur’an’s own words: that Allah gave him wisdom. What the passage gives us is a model of how to teach, and seven lessons we can apply today.

    Quick answer

    Short answer: In Qur’an 31:12-19, Luqman gives his son a series of short, warm instructions: be grateful, do not associate anything with Allah, remember that nothing is hidden from Him, pray and be patient, treat people with humility, walk moderately and keep your voice low. Three pieces of the advice begin with “O my son”, which makes the passage a lasting picture of loving instruction within a family.

    The passage at a glance

    About these verses

    • Where: Surat Luqman, Qur’an 31:12-19, read here in the Sahih International translation.
    • Opening: Allah says He gave Luqman wisdom and told him to be grateful (31:12).
    • Tone: three pieces of advice open with “O my son” (31:13, 31:16, 31:17).
    • A hadith link: Sahih al-Bukhari 32 connects 31:13 to a question the Companions asked; the collection is regarded as sahih.

    Every quotation below is from the Sahih International translation, with a link to the verse, and the rest is retold in our own words. It is a reflection on the text, not a ruling or a commentary on questions of law.

    1. Begin with gratitude

    The passage opens by saying that Allah gave Luqman wisdom and told him to be grateful. It adds that gratitude benefits the one who shows it. Before any rules, the first note is thankfulness.

    If you read this alongside our post on shukr (gratitude) in classical Sufi teaching, you will see how closely the two fit.

    2. Speak to your child first about what matters most

    Luqman’s first words to his son are a warning against associating anything with Allah. The Qur’an gives them as: “do not associate [anything] with Allāh” (Qur’an 31:13, Sahih International), and describes such association as a great injustice.

    A related hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari says that when a verse about those who “do not mix their belief with injustice” (Qur’an 6:82, Sahih International) was revealed, the Companions asked: “Who is amongst us who had not done injustice (wrong)?” The narration says Allah then revealed 31:13 (Sahih al-Bukhari 32, sunnah.com translation). We simply note the link here; for its explanation, please study with a teacher.

    3. Nothing is lost

    Next, Luqman tells his son that even a wrong the size of “the weight of a mustard seed” (Qur’an 31:16, Sahih International), hidden inside a rock or anywhere in the heavens or earth, is known to Allah, Who is Subtle and Aware.

    For a young person, this is a gentle reminder that private choices matter, and that small things are not too small to notice. It is a call to honesty with ourselves, not to fear.

    4. Stay steady in prayer and patience

    Luqman then tells his son to establish prayer and to be patient over what befalls him (31:17). The verse also mentions enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong; for how that applies in practice, ask a qualified teacher. It describes all of this as among the matters requiring resolve.

    Patience here is not passive. It is steadiness through change, which is why our guide to sabr in the Sufi tradition is a good companion read.

    5. Face people with humility

    The passage next turns from worship to manners. In the Qur’an’s words, “do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people” (Qur’an 31:18, Sahih International). How we treat others is part of wisdom, and contempt, however small, closes hearts.

    6. Walk without arrogance, and 7. lower your voice

    The last two lessons are the most practical. The same verse tells him not to “walk through the earth exultantly” (31:18), and to “be moderate in your pace and lower your voice” (Qur’an 31:19, Sahih International).

    These lines describe everyday habits of calm and self-restraint. Raised voices and swagger rarely help a household, a workplace or a mosque.

    Common habitThe pattern in the passage
    Ordering without explanationShort advice, often with its reason attached
    HarshnessGentle address: “O my son”
    Rules onlyGratitude, belief, manners and patience together
    Heavy-handed teaching vs Luqman’s way

    Putting it into practice

    A simple family practice

    1

    Choose one lesson from the seven for the week.

    2

    Say it warmly, in your own words, at a calm moment rather than in the middle of a quarrel.

    3

    Model it first. Children notice a lowered voice more than a lecture.

    4

    Invite a question and listen before you answer.

    5

    Revisit it at the end of the week with a short, kind check-in.

    Tip

    If you are a young adult reading this, try the passage as advice to yourself: which of the seven do you find hardest, and what is one small step you could take today?

    Study with a teacher

    This post reflects on verses and one hadith reference; it is not a commentary or a ruling. For the meaning of the verses in detail, including those about parents (31:14-15), study with a qualified teacher.

    FAQ

    Who was Luqman?

    The Qur’an names Luqman and says Allah gave him wisdom (31:12). It gives no further biography, so this post does not add details.

    Where is Luqman’s advice in the Qur’an?

    In Surat Luqman, verses 12 to 19, which you can read on Quran.com.

    What does “O my son” show us?

    Three pieces of advice are introduced with it. It reflects a warm, personal style of teaching within the family.

    Is this post a ruling or tafsir?

    No. It is a short reflection on the text. For rulings or detailed interpretation, ask a qualified scholar.

    Last checked: 15 October 2026 against Qur’an 31:12-19 and 6:82 (Sahih International translation) (linked above) and Sahih al-Bukhari 32 (linked above). Educational reflection only, not a religious ruling.

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  • The Adab of Dhikr: Etiquette of Remembering Allah

    The Adab of Dhikr: Etiquette of Remembering Allah

    Dhikr, the remembrance of Allah, is open to every believer at any time. Yet the classical tradition always paired practice with adab: the inner and outer courtesy that keeps worship sincere and balanced. This guide sets out the main points of the adab of dhikr, each tied to a verse or hadith you can check.

    Quick answer

    Short answer: The adab of dhikr means remembering Allah with a sincere intention, humility and attention, in a moderate voice, steadily rather than in bursts, and without disturbing others. The core verse is Qur’an 7:205: remember your Lord “inwardly with humility and reverence and in a moderate tone of voice.”

    Key takeaways

    • Intention first: “The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions” (Sahih al-Bukhari 1).
    • Humble and moderate: dhikr is done with humility, reverence and a moderate voice (Qur’an 7:205).
    • Any posture: believers remember Allah “while standing, sitting, and lying on their sides” (Qur’an 3:191).
    • Small and steady: the most beloved deed is the most regular, “even if it were little” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6464).

    Why adab matters in remembrance

    In our introduction What Is Dhikr?, we described remembrance as keeping God present in the heart. Adab is how that presence shows in behaviour. It covers what you intend, how you sit and speak, and how you treat the people around you.

    The Qur’an makes the relationship personal: “remember Me; I will remember you. And thank Me, and never be ungrateful” (Qur’an 2:152, Clear Quran translation). Courtesy in remembrance is a natural response to that closeness.

    A hadith compares the one who remembers his Lord and the one who does not to “a living creature compared to a dead one” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6407). Adab helps keep that life in the practice, rather than letting it become routine sound.

    Inner adab: the heart before the tongue

    Sincerity. Dhikr is for Allah alone, not for reputation. The famous hadith on intentions (Sahih al-Bukhari 1) applies here as to every act of worship.

    Humility and reverence. Qur’an 7:205 asks for remembrance “inwardly with humility and reverence,” and closes with “do not be one of the heedless.” Attention to meaning is part of the act, even if the mind wanders at first.

    Good opinion of Allah. In a hadith qudsi, Allah says: “I am just as My slave thinks I am… and I am with him if He remembers Me” (Sahih al-Bukhari 7405; see also Sahih Muslim 2675a). Remember Him with hope, not with anxiety about “doing it wrong.”

    Outer adab: voice, posture and place

    A moderate voice. On a journey, when Companions raised their voices in takbir, the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Be merciful to yourselves… for you are not calling a deaf or an absent one” (Sahih al-Bukhari 2992).

    Any time, any posture. ‘A’isha reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) “used to remember Allah at all moments” (Sahih Muslim 373). Standing, sitting or lying down are all mentioned in Qur’an 3:191.

    Respect for others. In the mosque, the Prophet (ﷺ) told people reciting loudly that “one should not trouble the other” or raise the voice over another’s (Sunan Abi Dawud 1332, graded sahih by al-Albani).

    AreaHelpful (adab)Unhelpful
    IntentionFor Allah alone (Bukhari 1)To be seen or praised
    VoiceModerate, humble (7:205)Shouting, straining (Bukhari 2992)
    Others nearbyQuiet enough not to disturb (Abu Dawud 1332)Drowning out someone’s prayer
    PaceSmall and regular (Bukhari 6464)Large bursts, then nothing
    Helpful vs unhelpful habits in dhikr

    Remembering together

    Dhikr is not only private. The Prophet (ﷺ) described people who sit remembering Allah as “surrounded by angels and covered by Mercy,” with tranquillity descending on them (Sahih Muslim 2700a).

    The same adab applies in a group: sincerity, moderate voices, and care for anyone praying nearby. Keep to well-known, authentic wording, and follow the guidance of qualified local scholars and the mosque’s own arrangements.

    Good to know

    Classical Sufi manuals treat adab as inseparable from the path. Our glossary Sufi Terms Explained introduces adab alongside other key words you will meet in those books.

    Consistency over intensity

    A man once told the Prophet (ﷺ) that the many acts of Islam had become too much for him. He was told: “Let not your tongue cease to be moist with the remembrance of Allah” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 3375, graded hasan by Darussalam).

    This fits the hadith that the most beloved deed is “the most regular and constant even if it were little” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6464). A few minutes kept up daily is better than an occasional long session.

    Putting the adab of dhikr into practice

    1

    Renew your intention: before you begin, remind yourself that this is for Allah alone.

    2

    Settle the body: sit calmly, or simply pause where you are; any posture is valid (3:191).

    3

    Lower the voice: use a moderate tone, or say it inwardly (7:205).

    4

    Attend to meaning: know what each phrase means and bring the heart back gently when it drifts.

    5

    Keep it small and daily: choose a short, authentic practice you can sustain (Bukhari 6464).

    Tip

    Learn the exact wording of any dhikr from a reliable source or teacher before making it a habit. The etiquette of seeking knowledge applies to worship as much as to study.

    Closing reflection

    The adab of dhikr is not a list of hurdles. It is a way of making remembrance gentle, honest and lasting, so that it shapes character as well as the tongue.

    Begin where you are, with a sincere heart and a quiet voice. For questions about specific forms, numbers or gatherings, ask a qualified scholar.

    This article is general educational content and not a religious ruling. Last checked: 6 October 2026.

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  • The Adab of Seeking Knowledge: Etiquette for Students of the Path

    The Adab of Seeking Knowledge: Etiquette for Students of the Path

    In the Islamic scholarly tradition, how you learn has always mattered as much as what you learn. Classical scholars wrote entire works on the etiquette (adab) of students and teachers, and Sufi authors in particular placed adab at the centre of spiritual growth. A widely repeated saying in the tradition holds that good manners come before knowledge.

    This article gathers some of the most commonly discussed principles, in a general and practical form.

    What does adab mean?

    Adab is often translated as “etiquette” or “good manners,” but its meaning is wider. It refers to refined, appropriate conduct: giving each thing its proper due. For a student, adab covers one’s relationship with God, with the teacher, with books, with fellow students, and with one’s own self.

    1. Begin with a sincere intention

    Classical authors consistently open their discussions of learning with intention. The student is encouraged to seek knowledge to know God better, to act rightly and to benefit others — not for argument, status or display. Intention is something to renew regularly, because it drifts.

    A practical habit: before each study session, pause for a moment and quietly renew why you are studying.

    2. Respect for teachers

    Traditional learning was transmitted from teacher to student, and respect for teachers was considered part of the knowledge itself. Classical guidance commonly mentions:

    • Listening attentively and not interrupting.
    • Asking questions politely, at a suitable time.
    • Not belittling a teacher’s view simply because it differs from another source you have read.
    • Making supplication for one’s teachers.

    Respect does not mean switching off one’s mind. It means asking questions with humility and good faith.

    3. Respect for books and knowledge

    Students in the tradition treated books — especially the Qur’an — with care: handling them cleanly, placing them respectfully, and not using sacred texts carelessly. In the digital age, the same spirit applies to how we share and quote online: accurately, with context, and with attribution.

    4. Patience and gradual learning

    Knowledge in the classical model was acquired step by step: foundational texts first, then more advanced works. Sufi literature often warns against rushing toward advanced spiritual topics before mastering the basics of belief and practice. Patience protects the student from confusion and from forming strong opinions too early.

    5. Humility and admitting “I don’t know”

    Many stories in the tradition praise scholars who readily said “I don’t know” when unsure. For a student, this is liberating: you are not expected to have an answer for everything. Humility also means not using newly learned knowledge to look down on others.

    6. Acting on what you learn

    Classical authors, including Imam al-Ghazali in works such as Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din, repeatedly stress that knowledge without action is incomplete. A useful approach is to take one small practical lesson from each study session — a kinder word, a more attentive prayer, more honesty in a transaction — and try to live it.

    7. Good company

    Students are encouraged to keep company with people who remind them of God and support their learning. Study circles, respectful discussion groups and reliable teachers are a great help. Equally, the tradition advises avoiding arguments that harden hearts and divide people.

    8. Verify before you act or share

    Especially today, when information spreads quickly, a vital part of adab is verification:

    • Check that a quotation is real and correctly attributed before sharing it.
    • On questions of practice and rulings, consult a qualified scholar rather than relying on an anonymous post.
    • Be cautious with dramatic claims, and prefer well-established sources.

    9. Avoid judging others

    The classical Sufi tradition repeatedly turns the student’s attention inward. Knowledge is first a mirror for one’s own faults, not a tool for labelling or condemning others. Courtesy and good opinion of fellow Muslims are part of the path.

    A simple checklist for students

    • Did I renew my intention today?
    • Did I approach my teacher and fellow students with respect?
    • Did I learn something I can act on?
    • Did I verify anything before sharing it?
    • Did I keep my heart free of arrogance toward others?

    Closing reflection

    The etiquette of seeking knowledge is not a set of formalities. It is the soil in which real understanding grows. A student with good adab, even with little knowledge, is often closer to the spirit of the tradition than one with much information and little humility.

    This article is general educational content. For specific guidance, please consult a qualified scholar.

    Continue on Sufi Traveler

    Explore more gentle guides in our teachings and library as new essays and classical-book introductions are published.

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